


Heero Yuy, from the observations of Duo Maxwell

by Vampykitty_kun



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Diary/Journal, Friendly Observations, Gen, Heero is his own special breed of Human, Invasion of Privacy, Stalking, Trowa is a ninja
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-16
Updated: 2012-12-16
Packaged: 2017-11-21 07:16:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/594962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vampykitty_kun/pseuds/Vampykitty_kun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The life and personality of Heero Yuy, from the daily observations of Duo Maxwell, and his fellow comrades. No slash.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heero Yuy, from the observations of Duo Maxwell

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Anita_Reality_Check](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anita_Reality_Check/gifts).



> Hello everyone!
> 
> After reading a friend's Fei-centric ficlet pertaining to how Wufei visits a movie theater, I got the idea in my brain that I wanted to have a Duo POV fic, all dwelling on Heero Yuy.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the mindless ramblings of Duo Maxwell :3
> 
> No slash. No real pairings really, though it my contain 1xR or 2x1 if you squint hard, lol.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

**~ February 10** **th** **AC 197**

_Heero Yuy, entry 001:_

_I have decided to document my findings, although rather informally, for the sake of having it down tangibly, and out of my brain._

_I'm sure Heero has his own vast collection of documentations, although you could bet they're all rather formal, blunt, and written as a computer would have written them, and I'm sure that Lady Une even has her own documents, stashed away in the depths of her files._

_However, I've made a point of observing a certain pilot over the last few years, trying desperately, but failing, to see what makes him tick, and why he does things the way he does them._

Heero Yuy is the 'Perfect Soldier' as far as our databases show. The enemy knows Zero one as the ultimate fighter... willing to sacrifice himself, taking the whole battlefield with him, in the name of willing the fight. He is highly skilled in hand to hand combat, knows far more about artillery and machinery than I could ever hope to in this lifetime, and the next. He's the ultimate spy, hell, half the time I can truly wonder, no joke, if he's been trained to be a ninja as well. You never know where he is, except that he's always there... Point blankly, Heero Yuy dominates knowledge and ability in any subject relating to the military, and half the time could suffice as a damned thorough encyclopedia.

But in all the training provided by Dr. J, and god only knows who else, you think they'd have given him some social skills...

While my buddy Heero may be the best fighter, the best pilot, hell, even the smartest out of our lot, he's hopeless when it comes to normal human functions. Any of them...

**Food.**

Heero is rarely if EVER seen eating. He does not eat with the rest of us in the cafeteria in the Preventor base, when we have actually SEEN him there. Not once has he ever eaten in front of us while we've been on the same ship as him in outer space. Now, this goes with out saying... that's just fucking weird...just... weird.

Now, I cannot deny it, I HAVE seen him eating... If there had not been at least a few instances where we've been able to document having seen him eating, we'd have set up an investigation on the matter. Trowa has seen him eat during the time he was bed ridden with their Circus Troop after self detonating. Trowa's sister, Catherine, cooked for him, and he willingly ate said food. Trowa theorizes that it's because he watched his sister make the food before giving it to Heero, and Heero trusts that no harm would come to him in Trowa's presence, even in his weakened state. Let's make note that this food consisted of soup, bread, water, ground beef, and pork chops, as well as various vegetables I'd rather not touch. Later on, we can document that Quatre has seen Heero eat, while staying with him briefly. This time, Quatre was able to tell us that Heero watched Quatre's men prepare and cook the food, which more often than not was plain white rice, with vegetables, various meats, and on occasion breads or noodles. Although Quatre rank tea, and most of Quatre's minions drank various alcoholic beverages, Heero yet again, only drank water.

Are we seeing the pattern yet? Seriously... Heero could launch his own weight loss program for the civilians... I swear, the man has yet to touch any type of pleasure food publicly. Where the hell are the calories? The chips, and cakes! WHERE IS THE JUNK FOOD! And water? Please... for the love of god, tell me he has soda, coffee, tea, juice, booze, whatever, at least occasionally- even if just in private. Otherwise, there's seriously something wrong with him, and he's not really human. Someone needs to jam a greasy burger down his throat... I'll laugh myself into an early grave if that kills him...

But yeah... even the very few occasions I've personally seen him eat, he's made the food himself, from scratch, and has nothing but plain meat, veggies, rice, or noodle, with a side of bread perhaps, and always just a glass of water. As a group, we can only conclude that Heero has extreme paranoia when it comes to being poisoned, and he's terrified of MSG and sugar.

Wufei also swears up and down that Heero most likely cannot hold his liquor, and that said explanation for not drinking any is the only plausible one. Personally, I think the man could probably drink any of us under the table, but we may never know.

**Common decency.**

He has none.

I swear, all manners go out the door with him. It's a sad thing, when I can truthfully say I'M more proper than him... In a typical world, you knock before entering a room. In Heero's world, you can evidently enter ANYONE'S room, at any time, for any reason, and not even have to explain yourself, even if rummaging through someone else's possessions. Seriously... not only did he give me the biggest kick in the shins when we first met by stealing parts from my dear Deathscythe, I can clearly account for several other instances where my privacy has been invaded by him, without explanation.

Situation 1

A damned good reason to knock before entering is to give others even just a few seconds notice to stop ANY activities you don't normally do in public. Emotionless perfect soldier or not, my lower extremities are not meant for public viewing, If I choose to walk around my dorm/apartment/Preventor housing complex naked, it's my own business. Furthermore, if there is a REASON for me to be naked, I'm 100% sure the situation did NOT have one Heero Yuy factored into the equation. I don't appreciate coming out of the shower to see ANYONE lurking about my dwelling space...nor do I appreciate sudden invasion to my private time in the bedroom, whether I be solo, or Hilde is present. It's embarrassing, and I don't like feeling like I'm being observed for some documented fact file of his. On the topic of anyone being naked, whether due to preferences, showers, or bedroom activities, I can only speak for myself. No one in our group is that open about their private life, so we do not discuss such invaded situations. However, I can say without a doubt, that Heero has probably seen EVERYONE we know, naked as one can get. Again, we do not always know he is there. Best not to dwell on such things though.

Situation 2

Mornings, and Late nights. Both are good reasons why you don't just show up in someone's dwelling, let alone forget to mention that you are even there.

I am not a morning person. I am delirious until I've pumped myself full of caffeine, and have been awake at least two full hours. I do not expect to see ANYONE standing directly behind me as I turn away from my coffee maker, not even when I've actually INVITED someone into my home and I know they're there. You don't stand so close to someone, so silent your breathing can't even be heard. It is not my fault Heero has had to change clothes countless times after such visits. When I spin around to see someone there who was NOT there five seconds prior, and I'm still half asleep, I'm prone to overreaction, and you're prone to being covered in blazing hot coffee. Although pain is a later topic, I find it unnatural that Heero does not so much as flinch as boiling hot coffee gets thrown down the front of him, especially when I've only gotten a small drop on my hand, and I'm howling like I've lost a finger... Anywho, if not involving coffee, Heero appearing out of nowhere has been known to send me flying into nearby walls following a feminine squeal, practically put me in cardiac arrest, or nearly make me piss myself.

If recalling experiences told to me by my fellow comrades, I am not the only non-morning-person in the group, nor am I the only one waking up to find Heero in my dwelling without permission, announcing his arrival, or giving an explanation for his presence.

Quatre is a sensitive man. I know this, everyone else does as well. Quatre has had more Heero related accidents than teenage Preventors have work related accidents. That's saying a lot. Unfortunately for Quatre... he's rich. He's got a BIG monster of a house, in several locations. Sensitive + Huge House + Heero = neurotic blonde. Quatre has fallen down stairs, on his ass, at LEAST seventeen times (that I've been made aware of), because Heero has come up behind him. I can also recall several times of Quatre nearly flying down the stairs via a Trowa related scare, but the man ALWAYS manages to catch him before he can topple head first down the flight of stairs. I guess one moral of this story should be 'Install elevators'. Getting back on subject, Quatre is lucky he's not busted his tail-bone, and it only gets bruised. Like me with coffee, Quatre has spilt his morning tea, dropped his tea cups, and even on one occasion, has whipped said tea cup at Heero's head. But this of course is only stories told of times Quatre was ALREADY awake. Even Heero no longer disturbs a sleeping Quatre purposely. Having a ceramic lamp smashed across your face via a tired, cranky blonde, who has pulled an all nighter at the office, is frightening to say the least... If Quatre is needed, and he is asleep, we send in the Trowa.

Trowa seems to be the only one unfazed by Heero's ways. Trowa, it seems, is the only one of us (other than Heero) fully functional in the morning. In being a morning person, he sees Heero's morning invasions just like any other Heero invasion, and relatively ignores him, or even goes as far as greeting him, and offering our creepy brunette some WATER when they cross paths in the kitchen. Not just with morning invasions, but all invasions, Trowa takes things the best. This may be because he ALSO has the random pop up factor, to a far more minor degree.

Wufei could go on for hours about Heero, and his ability to ignore all protests about his lack of privacy. Because of Heero though, we learned new things about Wufei that none of us could have ever guessed about. Evidently, our angry little china man is practically blind, and wears contacts. This information was acquired via Heero, once getting thrown out of Wufei's Preventor Housing unit, with Wufei storming out into the hall behind him, hair loosened, shirtless, and glasses clad. This provided a good laugh, as the lot of us left our own units to watch Wufei snarl at Heero, and threaten to castrate him if he EVER interrupted his breakfast again. But as we all know, Heero is not one to listen to anyone other than himself, and perhaps Dr. J, and Lady Une (Employers) and Wufei has reported several other occasion where Heero has been caught lurking in the shadows. One especially memorable report involved Wufei entering his kitchen (In Preventor housing, there is an actual door to the kitchen, not just a doorway), forgetting something, then turning around to go back through the open door, only to find that it had been shut upon Heero's entrance, as his face collided with it. This instance also resulted in a pair of broken glasses, and very black and blue nose bridge... which provided the rest of us with a pissy Asian over the following week, and one highly amused Sally Po.

Regarding late night Heero visits, I take them about as well as sitting on a cactus.

Seriously.

YOU wake up in the middle of the night to hear someone going through your things, and see what happens. I find it rude that **I'M** the one who ends up hurt. It's perfectly reasonable to pick up a baseball bat and pursue what you think is a robber, clobbering them over the head. However, I do not think it reasonable for said bat to be wrenched from my hands, and be used against me in the same manner. I have a sensitive head. And HOW is it logical for him to BREAK into my home, like a robber in the night, to install a new security system for me?

Again, the one most damaged by night-time visits, is Quatre. Again, he reports falling down stairs, and as the house is dark, this also involves walking into closed doors, falling into an empty bathtub, and even falling down the laundry shoot. You think in his own homes Quatre would have a sense of direction, even in the dark, but alas, the poor boy does not. Trowa has since bought him a flash light, much to the blonde's embarrassment. Quatre has also experienced the 'night time security revisions'. In Quatre's case, he flicked on his silent alarm, truly believing that he was being robbed (more plausible for him, as he ACTUALLY has stuff worth stealing) and the mansion became flooded with Maguanacs, who he apologized to frantically for waking them up, when there had been no real threat... poor guy.

Wufei is a heavy sleeper, but heading the warnings given by his fellow Gundam Pilots, he was prepared for Heero's security revisions, and booby trapped the front door accordingly. Unfortunately, he neglected to remember that it was Heero he was dealing with, and the brunette knew exactly what he had done, and had come in, and exited through the window... or at least, that's what we believe. Unfortunately, as Wufei is NOT a morning person, he fell into his own trap that morning, and came into headquarters with feathers superglued in mass amounts to his person.

Again, Wufei was sore with everyone for a good week after this event.

_The rest of this segment will be concluded at a later time... sleep is a necessary part of my day, and there is always a high possibility that the subject of this file will interrupt my napping hours, unannounced like always._

_~D.M._

-x-x-x-x-x-x-


End file.
